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Mafia Gazette Past Issue 2
15th August, 2005 'ATTEMPT MADE TO BUY NEWSPAPER SILENCE' Reports came in last night of a man attempting to strong-arm a member of Gazette staff. He demanded silence from the newspaper on the nefarious acts of himself and two of his henchmen in return for an undisclosed sum of money. The man proceeded to threaten the member of staff with bodily harm should any mention of the trio reach the pages of the Gazette. He then withdrew and three other members of the community came into the offices and attempted to get the Newspaper to capitulate to the demands made by the man, and demanding respect for the self-proclaimed most dangerous man on the streets. The member of staff agreed on a sum, although it is unclear as to whether this was to be an interim payment, or if it would be for the duration, however it is now known that the money would not have been picked up by the Newspaper, and the continuing negotiations were an attempt to gain more information on this group. Lengthy negotiations and stalling tactics on payment led the reporter to believe that the trio were not able to pay the sum of money they had specified. The man later returned and said that he would not be paying the money. No reason was given for this sudden turnaround and no further communication has been received from this trio. The silence of the Gazette cannot be bought for small sums by small-time criminals. 'STREET BOSS HOPEFUL ARRESTED FOR LEWD BEHAVIOUR ' An arrest was made in the early hours of this morning following lewd behaviour in an alley outside the Gazette offices. Police removed a man with his trousers round his ankles and locked him in the cells for several hours while conducting their investigations. There have been several such arrests in the neighbourhood, mostly stemming from the lack of public facilities in the area. Local residents have submitted a petition to the local authorities to try to get the situation rectified, as several elderly ladies have been hospitalised following seeing sights that should be confined to public toilets performed in alleyways. One woman was said to be a in a critical condition following a suspected heart attack while putting her cat out for the night and coming across what she described as something she hadn’t seen since her dear departed husband had been alive. The arrested man was later released from police custody after it transpired that the man, a Street Boss hopeful, Mr TeddyBear, was in fact suffering from a severe underwear malfunction and was attempting to rectify the situation when the police turned up. He was given the name of a good tailor and told to find a more secure location to correct any further malfunctions in the future. 'REVIEW - THE HOODLUMS HANDBOOK ' By: DeepWound Starting something new can be quite difficult. Walking into a large room filled with people you have never meet, busy talking and interacting with one another - can be even more difficult. Combine the two and you might as well throw up the white flag and dig your own grave! But thankfully, people like Randle_McMurphy have made becoming a Hoodlum a lot more relaxed! The Hoodlums Handbook, a literature masterpiece. First off, who could resist the “tall, stocky gentleman in a black pinstripe suit, sharp as a switchblade” that is about to deliver Life’s secrets? Not me that’s for sure! He then goes into describing that you have only scrapped the mafia world by making it to Hoodlum. This is important because a lot of people might think they are all that by making it to Hoodlum and could get themselves into some trouble. Next he explains all the new and exciting stuff you get to do once being promoted to Hoodlum like drug trafficking. The way McMurphy describes different steps to making money can come in handy and give new comers an upper hand. A major portion of the handbook is based on interaction with other people. This is an important topic and not discussed in many other handbooks spread throughout the streets. Communication is, to me, the MOST important aspect in building a strong and powerful gangster. I would never have got the respect and loyalty in the streets that I possess now if it were not for my communication skills. That is why I applaud McMurphy for writing about this topic in detail. Overall this handy handbook will continue to be one of my favourites! Well done Randle_McMurphy and keep up the good work! 'THE RABBIT WARREN' OMERTA It all comes down to one word: Omerta. The law of silence. Never, and I mean never, discuss family business with ears that shouldn't be hearing what you have to say. No one likes a rat, unless it's a dead rat; and a dead rat leaves a stench. So here are the options: either you are a man of respect, a rat, or a dead rat. Which would one of you pooper heads rather be? A man of respect of course. If not, kindly proceed by jumping off the nearest skyscraper and do the world a favour. We don't like wasting bullets. Now, opening your big yapper is not always a bad thing. No one likes a loudmouth, but as long as it stays within the famiglia , it usually won't hurt the family. Now, by family I don't mean your actual family, but rather your business, your crew, etc. Suppose you are the leader of a family. Then one night, while at a dinner party, after a few too many glasses of Chianti you decide it is time to open your big mouth and start talking trash about one of your allies. No big deal , you figure, it's all in good fun, some harmless gossip. Besides, he'll never find out. Little do you realize that the walls have ears and that so-and-so at the table knows Mr. You-Shouldn't-Have-Badmouthed-Him. Next thing you know, that big ally of yours that is ensuring your crews safety has just cancelled all business dealings with you. Meanwhile, you wonder what happened, like the schmuck that you are. I'll tell you what happened, so sit down and listen Johnny boy: You insulted the man and he took his business elsewhere. You publicly broadcast issues that should have been settled man-to-man. Perhaps you started a rumour he didn't want anyone to know about. Would you want your wife finding out about that 21 year-old stripper with implants you've been seeing after hours ? In fact, you might have a few skeletons of your own in your closet. How would you like it if others copied and started shooting their mouths-off? Exactly. So my advice to you is keep your mouth shut, mind your business and pretend you don't know what's going on as if you are deaf and blind. No point in being on the receiving end of some flying canoli when you could be enjoying a good laugh with everyone else. One last thing while I'm on the subject (it's not like anyone is going to stop me!), all you need to do is open your mouth once at the wrong time and you will have a reputation that will stick for life. No one wants to be known as "that rat 'Rabbit'" from the East side. People will not associate with you for business, or pleasure. In fact, if you open your mouth about the wrong thing to the wrong people, they might try to disassociate you... from your head. So keep your mouth shut, continue doing business and keep your friends. So there you have it boys, it all boils down to one word: Omerta. Think you slack jaws can remember that? For your own sakes, I should hope so. Watch your back boys and keep your noses clean. 'WE HEAR THAT…' Gossip column by: Trixie Earlier this week TieDomi was seen in the local grocery store purchasing 50 pints of Ben and Jerry's Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. While balancing them towards checkout, he was heard muttering "I'm going to get the ladies...Little me, Little me." Over and over again. After paying the checkout lady with Pennies and dimes he carried his ice creams out of the store and stopped a lovely Bluebell on the street and Offered her some, and a chance to be his forever. Bluebell Laughed in his face and walked off leaving a very sad TieDomi and some quick melting Ice cream. 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to Tallulah at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Anonymous, Amorous Rent Boys telegram Sefton_Lipbalm P.O Box 3131, Chicago -------------------------------------- One night doesn't count as cheating, @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ 'REFERENCES' 1. Article taken from http://pvp.a.mafia.org/gazette.php?issue=3. Browse • • • • • • •